I literally cannot make myself get out of bed lately. I don't understand why. It's unusual for me because I'm usually a very active person. I honestly think that I'm depressed. Which disappoints me because I thought I was stronger than that. Some days are just harder than others. At our last ultrasound we heard more bad news... I just don't want tomorrow to come.
Under normal circumstances I'd be thrilled to have an ultrasound and see my sweet baby. I just can't bear with the thought of more sadness right now.
I feel lost. Today just hasn't been a good day. I need to find myself again and start enjoying life like I used to. I just feel like everything is drained from me recently and I barely even smile and laugh. Which is weird for me. I usually smile quite a bit. I miss working. I miss being needed and having responsibilities throughout my day. I feel worthless.
All I can do is sit here and pray for good news tomorrow. I need to get out of this funk. I just don't know how. Because I'm not working I'm absolutely BROKE and can't even hang out with my friends. Who all have normal busy lives like I did and work most of the time anyways.
Maybe I'll talk to my doctor tomorrow about it... I'm sure the way I'm feeling is common thing. I just want it to go away. Some days I'm perfectly fine and happy about life.. and then there are days like today. I'd continue my anxiety medicine but it makes me so drowsy. I guess we'll see.
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